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How to Become an Intellectual: 100 Mandatory Maxims to Metamorphose into the Most Learned of Thinkers, by Nick Kolakowski
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A Capacious and Quintessential Guide
Maxims:
#1: Carry a Scholarly Book (at All Times)
#12: Know Your Manet from Your Monet
#14: Be Proficient in at Least One Classical Instrument
#64: Learn to Recite Romantic-Era Poetry on Cue
If you think you need a PhD in Greek and Roman philosophy from an Ivy League school to call yourself an intellectual, reconsider your supposition. While you may envy the initials that follow distinguished names of professors and the intellectual elite, it's not the mortar board and scholarly robes you need—it's the obscure esoterica. In this primer, you'll learn to walk the talk of the intelligentsia, leaving simpletons and pseudo-intellectuals in your dust.
Inside How to Become an Intellectual, you will find the prodigious truths every self-respecting learned person lives by. This code of scholarly behavior allows aspiring high-brows like yourself to educate their unfortunate lessers, amaze their Mensa friends, and impress their fellow wise people—one distinguished bon mot at a time!
- Sales Rank: #709120 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-03-18
- Released on: 2012-03-18
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
Nick Kolakowski is a magazine editor and journalist. Currently a staff editor for eWeek.com, Nick has written for McSweeney's, Playboy, WebMD, AutoWeek, Washington Flyer, LOST Magazine, AARP the Magazine, and DC Style, and freelanced for The Washington Post and Washington City Paper.
Most helpful customer reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Entertaing satire with a lot of truth in it as well. Enjoyable and recommended!
By [KNDY] Dennis A. Amith
I remember watching a scene from Whit Stillman's 1990 film "Metropolitan", about a not-so-rich college student named Tom Townsend, who attends events where intellectuals go to and when he somehow ends up going to a party with them. He discusses conversations about Lionel Trilling, Fanny Price, Jane Austen novels, etc. And right after high school, I found myself connecting to this film because I wanted to be part of this circle of intellectuals.
Granted, I was not born a WASP, nor would I be attending an Ivy League college, nor was I born in a wealthy family but I had a thirst for intellectual conversations, I had a strong interest in foreign cinema, art, politics, opera and classical music.
How the 18-year-old me, would have loved to read Nick Kolakowski's "How to Become an Intellectual: 100 Mandatory Maxims to Metamorphose into the Most Learned at Thinkers".
A hilarious, fascinating and fun book, Kolakowski's book has a lot of truth in it but also things that shouldn't be taken to literally. In the book, Kolakowski offers 100 maxims, several paragraphs of why, a theory into practice of how one can include it in their life and the inevitable footnote.
For example, Kolakowski's first Maxim is to "Carry an Intellectual Book (At all Times)". Personally, these days, I know of no one who carries a book with them at all times, unless its on their iPad, Kindle Fire or Nook (including magazine subscriptions which I see many friends downloading digital copies to their tablet), but aside from the conversations of books at a restaurant or event, to a person's home to look at their library with a plethora of books, it's all about one's willingness to engage in conversations about books and know what people are talking about. While there are some who will understand the conversations of authors. My personal feeling is if one reads books continually, you can easily get into the conversation of explaining what the book is about and make one curious.
And when it comes to books, I go back to "Metropolitan" for the popular quote by Tom Townsend:
AUDREY: What Jane Austen novels have you read?
TOM: None. I don't read novels. I prefer good literary criticism. That way you get both the novelist's ideas as well as the critics thinking. With fiction, I can never forget that none of it ever really happened, that its all just made up by the author.
Another Maxim featured is #4, "Learn Some Truly Enormous Words". When I was working in politics, one of my mentors would recommend me to purchase a book of words that I need to know. She was big on cultural literacy but when I went to college, my professor was adamant of not using big words because people will not know what the heck I'm talking about.
It's been years since I've graduated and I admit that for a short time, I strayed away from using words that most people don't know. But that changed. Reading books from my favorite writers, books from film critics and even knowing people like myself who would read a dictionary and mark the words down such as author and former 20/20 correspondent Aliza Davidovit (I highly recommend her book "The Words that Shaped Me" - The Words That Shaped Me: A journalist's brilliant, touching and hilarious journey through the dicti), there is nothing wrong with using big words. In fact, my friends and associates tend to use them quite a bit. But there is a time and a place to use these words. Great among your intellectual circle of friends, great for your written article or review but not used with everyone.
Maxim 15 is about "Understand Opera, Even If You Never Enjoy It". I grew up on rock n' roll, R&B and hip-hop. And also, some country and '50s songs. But has anyone watched "Pretty Woman" and you saw the character played by Julia Roberts attending her first opera and was passionate about it right after. I knew nothing about opera but that scene struck me and I went out and purchased "La Traviata". Since that day, I've watched opera, I have friends that enjoy opera and I have a considerable collection of opera CD's and old cassettes. With that being said, I'm not an erudite when it comes to opera, nor will I enjoy everything. But I was happy to see that Kolakowski included it in this book.
Maxim 20 is about "Follow Museums Like Others Follow Sports Teams". I find this true especially when engaging in conversations with artists who have embraced art worldwide. There is also a lot of name dropping about this museum and that museum, the technological use of Google Maps of Museums to which museum would you want to go or enjoyed? I've only been to a handful of museums in America but I try to keep up to date of other museums around the world that I would want to go to and why.
Maxim 24 is about "Include Art Films In Your Movie Collection". I highly agree with this! As there are conversations about books, politics and the state of society, I find myself in intellectual discussions about cinema. As Jean-Luc Godard has said, "Everything is Cinema" and it is true. You learn so much through cinema, about history, about books, about art... From the directors of Nouvelle Vague, learning about Italian Neorealism, Weimar cinema to German Expressionism, American cinema from the silents, slapstick comedy, film noir, Russian Cinema, Japanese cinema to Kurosawa, Ozu to Oshima and more. It's very good to know your cinema and before it was quite expensive to purchase Criterion Collection, Kino or Masters of Cinema DVD's or Blu-rays but fortunately, you can find foreign cinema through Netflix and Hulu.
Maxim 51 is about "Become a Foodie Like a Roman Emperor". I grew up with a grandfather who cooked Italian food but was raised with eggs, spam and corn beef and whatever was sold by McDonald's, Burger King, KFC and Denny's. I can eat food but never understood food. But in this Internet age of Yelp and Food Channel, I found myself going to restaurants with friends, spending money on expensive dishes to trying dishes from different ethnicities. My friends are foodies to the point that after they eat, they must blog about it and type their experience on their cell phone. While it's great being a foodie, it's also a pain in the arse as one would have to spend a lot of money daily or at the grocery store or specialized store for ingredients.
But these are a few of the examples you can find in Nick Kolakowski's "How to Become an Intellectual: 100 Mandatory Maxims to Metamorphose into the Most Learned at Thinkers". There is a lot that one can learn from this book about how to become an intellectual or just be amused of what is featured..some that make sense and some that are interesting.
Sure, in some ways it is quite vain and some people may raise their eyebrows and not care about the things that are featured in this book. But if you have a personal disdain towards these things to begin with, this book is not for you.
But if you are curious, someone who is intellectual and just wants to see how far Kolakowski takes things in this book or someone that may want to learn a few things and implement it in their lives, then definitely give Nick Kolakowski's "How to Become an Intellectual: 100 Mandatory Maxims to Metamorphose into the Most Learned at Thinkers" a try!
Enjoyable and recommended!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Divinely Hilarious!
By Irish
How to Become an Intellectual - 100 Mandatory Maxims is a must read. This refreshing take on intellectuals features belly laughs on each page along with morsels of truth and great advice! If you'd like to know which books to carry around to make you look smart, or which operas you should familiarize yourself with, look no further. I've greatly enjoyed reading Nick Kolakowski's views on appearing intellectual to peers - what kind of jokes to tell, what type of internet signature to have, how to sign a signature for the greatest impact, all great advice to put one ahead of the masses on the scale of intellect.
Each little chapter has a theory and then an example of how to put the theory into practice and then each theory and practice has the inevitable footnote. He covers each subject in a funny, exhilarating way and provides much food for thought as well as tidbits of facts to grow the brain. Each page of this book is a treat. Read it when you need a little pick me up or when you feel you could use some advice after making an unforgivable social blunder in front of the smarties at work. You'll soon feel refreshed and ready to go and put some of these theories into practice. I haven't found the time to choose an instrument to play but I have given thought to pulling out the old jacket with the worn elbows and have decided to choose my jokes wisely and I try not to quote Shakespeare or succumb to the temptations of using Latin phrases too often.
Great book, well written, refreshing and very clever. I am leaving this book around the house so others can absorb the knowledge and become more intellectual to keep up with me.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Lightweight and Fun Guide to Intellectual Etiquette
By William Carpenter
How to Become an Intellectual: 100 Mandatory Maxims to Metamorphose into the Most Learned of Thinkers by Nick Kolakowski is amusing and entertaining. Divided into dozens of two and three page maxims covering a wide range of topics. Here you will find advice on such things as choosing your intellectual role model, knowing the basic chess moves, and being wary of spell check. Each maxim states the main point, discusses how to put it into practice, and ends with a usually humorous footnote.
The book is really a guide to etiquette for those that want to leave the favorable impression of an intellectual person when interacting with others. Resist the temptation to show off, whether it's your cell phone, your alma mater, or your Latin. Be engaging and courteous by being polite, losing a debate graciously, and making dinner fun. This book has lots of good advice - and some amusing fluff.
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